June 29, 2005
Team Princess Announces Bishopettei's Participation
Team Princess scoured boutiques and cafes worldwide to find the ultimate girly girl willing to attempt [select] stages of the 2005 Tour de Burg. After learning of her delicate participation in this year's Giro d'Ville, Team Princess named the Her Highness of the North, Arriana le Petite Bishopettei, its lead rider for the grand tour. Bishopettie, rumored mistress to el Sparro, touts of her participation in the 2005 Tour a bother compared to the honor of watching comfortably from the race director's air-conditioned auto.
Although, willing to sacrifice a week of massages and pedicures for the grandeur of le Tour, Arriana has been seen charming members of Team Clean in attempt to gain support up the mountains. "Je, j'aime monter ma bicyclette lentement," Arriana was overheard saying after the teams presentation. "I adore coasting on the flats, and the pleasure of riding downhill," as translated by B.S. of the AP.
Rumors abound that Arriana will withdraw from certain stages to accompany the Queen Mother during a visit to la burg de Harrison. It is also purported that Arriana is being pursued by l'Hopital de Memorial to continue to grace them with her presence. "De Tour Leisure is also a great temptation that may draw my focus away from the grand Tour itself," Arriana admits.
Overall, Team Princess, including Madame Jetta Volkswagoni, is weighted towards helping Arriana as much as possible, with particular emphasis placed on the time trial and the mountain stages.
Because Arriana's widely known abilities to charm Commissares and use alternate routes throughout major stages, much controversy is expected surrounding her participation in le Tour. Thus, le Tour Committee has planned to shift police emphasis away from doping control to ensure order in the peleton, much to the satisfaction of Team Green.
Arriana added that as she sees it, there are "five or six" favourites for the Tour. "Carpellini, who has a surprisingly strong Green team; Buschetti, who was very bold in the Giro; espoir phenoms Waitini and Detrich, and Jenkini who has bionicly improved his time trailing. These are my favourites, but of course el Sparro is the one to beat."
posted by E Bishop # 12:44 PM 
